Tuesday, August 27, 2013

you are now entering a mini meltdown

Hey, remember way back when, like a couple of weeks ago when I said I was ready to go back to work?  Yeah, that lasted a few days.  I have been trying to hang on, but today, I had a meltdown.  The kind of meltdown when you find yourself not only crying in front of your teaching partner, but also your principal.  Thankfully, these two people are amazingly supportive, and get my emotions, but still, not so smooth.  This year feels like my first year of teaching all over again.  Once again, I find myself following in the teaching shoes of a legend at my school, and everything I do and say is compared to that legacy.  Once again, I need to not "rock the boat" and go with the established program, but that can be oh so challenging to do.  I'll be asked if I gave the spelling test today, and I didn't even have spelling on my teaching radar.  Right now I feel like all of my time is being spent in the classroom doing everything but working on my lesson plans.  Between being out of the classroom for district required trainings or professional development, losing prep time assisting teachers on campus roll out the online based assessments I trained them on last week, or trying to figure out how to get almost thirty chaperones cleared and ready for a week long science camp we are attending in October, I never seem to find a single minute to focus on my teaching.

I need to work until 5, or 7, like every day, and mind you, I get to work before 7 in the morning.  But guess what?  I can't do that, because I've got a baby who needs me too, and I want to be with her so bad.  I have now officially pushed my workday so that I literally see the Mr. for five minutes before he is off to work.  And let's not even get into how bad that sucks right now.

I know that I will start to get everything under control.  And that I just need to take things day by day, but I HATE teaching that way.  Next week you ask?  Nope, I have no idea what is coming.  And that was never how I operated, and can't be the way I roll for much longer.  Because teaching one day at a time quickly begins to feel like you are trapped in a drowning car.  Ok, that might be dramatic, but I already explained the tears, didn't I?!?

Thankfully, I have amazing students.  I have a happy and healthy family.  And I am so thankful for these things.  Everything else that is giving me stress hives will just need to wait, and I'll get to it.  Probably not today.  Most likely not tomorrow, but some time.  I'll get to it.

And because I was too busy having an emotional moment in my class this afternoon, I don't have any school related photos to go with this post.  So I'll share a few of Everly's serious face photos I took last week.  Not a bad way to end this post, if I do say so myself.

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