Sunday, March 16, 2014

Why working moms need strong working mom friends, and vice versa

Being a working or stay at home mom are two completely different beasts. And because I'm a teacher, there are several times a year where I experience being both. What I've learned the more I socialize with moms, is you need really strong examples of the "kind" of mom you are. Not saying that you can't be friends with all types of moms, but making sure you have someone by your side who really knows exactly what you are going through, really helps. Stay at home moms deal with a type of exhaustion that only our little ones can give us when we are on 24/7. Working moms deal with the type of exhaustion that comes with never having enough hours in the day to be a mom and contribute at home. For me, I do not experience the bliss of nap time. So when I'm home, all of my attention is focused on my daughter, and this also means there is never any down time for me to do something that really might need my attention.

Lately I've been able to enjoy a friendship that I've had for years in a brand new way. We are both new moms, and teachers, and have a lot to say about both. Wearing our babies while we walk around our neighborhood has been just the friend therapy we both need on some days. Because as much as I would love it, my mom or stay at home mom friends are never going to get my experience. Just as much as I'm never going to get theirs. So this isn't about who has it harder, because I really don't think that either group has the better mom gig, it's just about supporting the type of mom you are with friends who can really relate.

And while on the topic of mom types, when socializing with the "other" moms, be mindful of what you say. You don't know how badly that working mom may want to stay at home with her babies, and doesn't need you to make her feel worse about the situation. Or, you never know which stay at home mom is battling her challenges and guilt associated with wanting to be away from her children, just sometimes, but knows she's expected to stay at home and raise her kids.  So leave your "oh that's too bad" comments and mommy judgement at the door, we are all doing the best we can here, and that should be enough.

Mom blogger note: This post was written on my phone while Everly slept in Saturday morning, laying completely over me making it hard for me to move, not that I wanted to anyways.  And for these photos, she had a blast exploring the spring ready backyard, even though you can't tell it here.  Her serious faces kill me!


  1. Good perspective Lyndsay. I grew up with a working (teacher) mom and now I'm home, so I guess I've experienced a little of both. And they both definitely have their challenges and rewards. I think it all comes down to love and dedication to family, which both a working and stay at home mom can possess. Look at that sweet Everly. She's definitely not lacking in the love department. So cute!

    1. Yes you have experienced both! No, Everly is not lacking the love. In fact, I know that because I am a working mom, she is getting to have such a different relationship with her dad than I had with mine who was always working. Getting to see her so close with both parents is amazing for me, and it helps me get through the days when I just want to be at home with her!